Navel-Gazing Guilt
Oct. 22nd, 2001 01:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trilliumgrlWell, remember that post that I promised I had written up at home? I scrapped it. There wasn't much to it and I didn't feel like reliving the physical pain of the past few weeks.
This weekend was fairly good. On Saturday mum and I signed the lease and got the keys to the new place. Then I went to practice. Though this would seem strange to some, given that I am fighting a sinus-clogging cold I felt better for it. Having to breathe in so much clears both the sinuses and the mental cobwebs. After practice I got together with Panda to give him "La Femme Nikita" goodness and just hang. We ended up over at the LARP at the UW and it was fabulous to see everyone again. Almost everyone that I haven't seem for nearly a month was there, which was really good.
You see, I was beginning to feel guilty for abandoning my friends to the gods of sport, and worse to feel like I had no friends. The little imp in the back of my brain was jumping up and down out of his box and making noise again. It wasn't just that I haven't seen people, but that I seemed to have no connection to anyone. My computer and my hours do not lend themselves to chatting on-line, and phone conversations never seem to feel right. Though I have a skating team, these are not my friends, but my team , which is an altogether different dynamic, part friend, part family, part stranger. I see them everyday, but I am very disconnected from them, especially given the fact that I have returned after a long absence. At work I am the youngest on by at least 7 years and I have no real connection with my co-workers, who are all friendly and nice, but not friends in any way. I am discovering that while on some levels I make a great hermit, on others Bellingham has spoiled me and I am far too used to being able to see my friends. I guess that's the way the biscuit breaks.
Now for some more navel-gazing fun I have included the following poll, courtesy of Lithera:
For fun an interest...
What is your idea of perfect happiness: I'm not sure if there is such a thing, or if I would do well with it.
What is your greatest fear: I have a lot of them, mostly having to do with people in groups large and small
With which historical figure do you most identify: Not sure
What is the trait you deplore most in yourself: Fear
What is the trait you deplore most in others: Hatred
What objects do you always carry with you: purse with id, ATM card, keys and lip gloss
Where would you like to live: somewhere with a working heater
What makes you depressed: Way too damm much
What is your favorite building: any library with big comfy chairs, as well as Artzen Hall at WWU
What is your favorite book: Academic: The Road to Hell: the Effects of Foreign Aid by Michael Maren Fiction: anything by Jane Yolen is usually a good bet
What is your favorite fantasy: Doing the work I want to do and not being alone
Do you believe in capital punishment: While morally satisfying, by and large, it does not work.
For what cause would you die: Many including friends, family, justice, and peace
Do you believe in monogamy: Most of the time, but it depends
What or who is the greatest love of your life: Friends and family.
Which words or phrases do you overuse: Most of them, I talk too much.
When and where were you happiest: On those days when everything just comes together and I know that I've skated really well, even if I lost.
How do you relax: I speed skate. Some people take Prozac, I skate.
How often do you have sex: *laughs* whatever
What single thing would improve the quality of your life: Not sure
What would your motto be: To each their own, but you must do what thou wilt and harm yea none.
What keeps you awake at night: Being sick, being alone, my mother's cat.
How would you like to die: With warning, so that I can die without leaving too much unfinished business.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you: 2 things: Humans are capable of both tremendous horror and tremendous good, and that balance is a very good thing.
This weekend was fairly good. On Saturday mum and I signed the lease and got the keys to the new place. Then I went to practice. Though this would seem strange to some, given that I am fighting a sinus-clogging cold I felt better for it. Having to breathe in so much clears both the sinuses and the mental cobwebs. After practice I got together with Panda to give him "La Femme Nikita" goodness and just hang. We ended up over at the LARP at the UW and it was fabulous to see everyone again. Almost everyone that I haven't seem for nearly a month was there, which was really good.
You see, I was beginning to feel guilty for abandoning my friends to the gods of sport, and worse to feel like I had no friends. The little imp in the back of my brain was jumping up and down out of his box and making noise again. It wasn't just that I haven't seen people, but that I seemed to have no connection to anyone. My computer and my hours do not lend themselves to chatting on-line, and phone conversations never seem to feel right. Though I have a skating team, these are not my friends, but my team , which is an altogether different dynamic, part friend, part family, part stranger. I see them everyday, but I am very disconnected from them, especially given the fact that I have returned after a long absence. At work I am the youngest on by at least 7 years and I have no real connection with my co-workers, who are all friendly and nice, but not friends in any way. I am discovering that while on some levels I make a great hermit, on others Bellingham has spoiled me and I am far too used to being able to see my friends. I guess that's the way the biscuit breaks.
Now for some more navel-gazing fun I have included the following poll, courtesy of Lithera:
For fun an interest...
What is your idea of perfect happiness: I'm not sure if there is such a thing, or if I would do well with it.
What is your greatest fear: I have a lot of them, mostly having to do with people in groups large and small
With which historical figure do you most identify: Not sure
What is the trait you deplore most in yourself: Fear
What is the trait you deplore most in others: Hatred
What objects do you always carry with you: purse with id, ATM card, keys and lip gloss
Where would you like to live: somewhere with a working heater
What makes you depressed: Way too damm much
What is your favorite building: any library with big comfy chairs, as well as Artzen Hall at WWU
What is your favorite book: Academic: The Road to Hell: the Effects of Foreign Aid by Michael Maren Fiction: anything by Jane Yolen is usually a good bet
What is your favorite fantasy: Doing the work I want to do and not being alone
Do you believe in capital punishment: While morally satisfying, by and large, it does not work.
For what cause would you die: Many including friends, family, justice, and peace
Do you believe in monogamy: Most of the time, but it depends
What or who is the greatest love of your life: Friends and family.
Which words or phrases do you overuse: Most of them, I talk too much.
When and where were you happiest: On those days when everything just comes together and I know that I've skated really well, even if I lost.
How do you relax: I speed skate. Some people take Prozac, I skate.
How often do you have sex: *laughs* whatever
What single thing would improve the quality of your life: Not sure
What would your motto be: To each their own, but you must do what thou wilt and harm yea none.
What keeps you awake at night: Being sick, being alone, my mother's cat.
How would you like to die: With warning, so that I can die without leaving too much unfinished business.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you: 2 things: Humans are capable of both tremendous horror and tremendous good, and that balance is a very good thing.
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Date: 2001-10-22 05:49 pm (UTC)J~